Undercover?

I read an article yesterday on Today.com entitled "Undercover working mother: I dress like a SAHM for the doctor." It is about a working mom who feels that she needs to dress like a stay-at-home mom in order to be taken seriously as a caring mother. I feel her pain a little bit, although I don't think this article was well received from some of the comments posted. When stay-at-home moms and working mothers clash it can be compared to a political demonstration between republicans and democrats, a group of second graders on the playground with boys against girls, or a pack of lions going in for the kill on a herd of antelope.....you get the point. I once thought there was a clear cut line down the middle. You either juggled a career (or at least a job) and family life, or you gave your all to the family. But, now that I have crossed that line, I feel as if I don't belong in either group. You see, I went from working mother to stay-at-home mom. If it had been reversed, I would receive sympathy. "Oh, you poor thing....how are you coping after going to work and leaving the kids? Is there anything I can do to help?" Instead, the reaction I received was "You're staying home now? When you already have one in school, and another almost ready for Kindergarten?"  My answer is yes. Yes, I paid for daycare for 6 years. Yes, the last year I was paying for three children in daycare-even having to split them up because my provider was uneasy at the thought of having all three. (In great respect to her, let me explain. She had a private daycare in her home where she raised her son as a single mom. If I were to pull my three kids out, she would instantly lose nearly half her income. I understood and the time my kids had with her was invaluable. She loves them still and we keep in touch) I want to say that I learned to balance work and family life, but I hadn't learned it at all. I was forced to carry on. Using every available moment to learn about my kids and let them get acquainted with me since they were spending 50 hours a week away from me. I gave up my career and decided I wanted to be the person raising my kids and I was willing to sacrifice for that. I am somewhere in limbo between the two groups of moms out there. It has been 17 months and 4 days since I left my job and I still have that panic on Sunday nights when I wonder if I washed my pantyhose. I still have trouble saying that I don't work. Marking homemaker on questionnaires continues to be quite foreign. I feel guilty when I say I have a hectic schedule because I remember what it was like to do all that I do and still work a full-time job. I have a weird feeling each month when I pay my student loan because I am not using my degree, and I am using my husband's paycheck to make the payment. Then, I will be home with two sick kids trying to figure out how to get one of them to the doctor and the third one to school without dragging them all out in the cold. My husband will get called into work suddenly, changing our plans for the next week. I often wonder if I made the right choice.The truth is, that is a question that will never give a definitive answer.
       Today I will bundle up my youngest and pick my kids up at school. With snowflakes in the air, they will take turns telling me about their day while it is fresh in their minds. We will come home together while it is still daylight and I will have time to fix something other than chicken nuggets and french fries for supper. This is who I am right now, and I feel like I am at the peak of responsibilities. I was a working woman, then a working mother. I am now a full-time mom. Later, I will be a working mother again I'm sure, and finally I will be a working woman again. It is all a cycle. Some of us just don't draw perfect circles. We color outside the lines.......with our kids :)