On the other side of the fence?

I think every person must wonder if they are doing what they were intended? This can mean a lot of things, but what jumps to mind is the phrase 'find myself.' You know, like when high school graduates don't go straight to college, the backpack through Europe or take a year off. This isn't exactly what is bothering me right now. I took my daughter to third grade orientation tonight. I knew in advance who her teacher was, but was still unprepared for the emotions that hit me when I walked in. You see, the teacher she has this year was my enrichment (or gifted) teacher from the time I was in fourth grade. She was one of those teachers that affected me, and meant a lot to me and even though we live in a rural area, I haven't seen her for years. I cannot name the emotions that flooded my heart. Relief that I was leaving my daughter in the hands of someone I trusted. Excitement that she remembered me. Pride as I introduced her to my other two children. But there was another feeling hidden deep down. Was it embarrassment? Resentment? Regret? This woman has an idea of the intellectual abilities I had in school. Does she look down at me because I am not working? She said nothing of the sort. She did know that I lived in the same area I grew up in and that I was not working anymore. Not once did she question where I did work or what I might plan on doing in the future. So why do I feel as if I have let her down? Why do I feel almost ashamed for not working and raising my children? The grass seemed greener on the other side, but is it turning brown now?

Mama said there would be days like this.......but not like that

We all know when we have kids that we will have days we are just dog tired from being up most of the night, the laundry will never end, changing poopy diapers in the middle of the mall will become second nature, and doing the 'carseat dance' is something designated to the daddies.Some of us even have memories of our own childhood when we knew we were impossible to love or can recall siblings hurting our parents to the point of tears by their wreck less behavior. Why is it that I feel so alone when I am in one of those parenting situations? When my son is crying in the shower, screaming for a dry washcloth and I am already soaked to my shoulder from reaching in to direct him in washing his hair. When I tell my daughter she cannot have her favorite stuffed animal at night because she disobeyed. When all I want to do is grab my child and cry with them and cuddle them to sleep, but I can't because I want to teach them right from wrong. I will admit, sometimes the punishments hurt me just as much or more than it affects them. Like when I take away the TV. Sounds great in theory, but when I need half an hour to finish supper without three kids swarming the kitchen, it just makes sense to turn on the TV. Or how about the impulsive "I am not taking you anywhere while you act like that!" This statement is why we don't have any bread in the house today. The kids don't care-they will eat chicken and star soup or buttered noodles, but nothing starts a craving like a grocery list. These are situations that I'm pretty sure most of us have experienced, but very few of us talk about. I put my son to bed early tonight, the whole time he was crying and asking for dessert and a movie, to play a board game, anything to grab at the possibility that he would get to stay up. I managed to stay calm and get him through the shower, into pajamas and physically had to brush his teeth for him. He is in bed now, and I am exhausted. It's not the end of the story, I still have his two sisters to get into bed by myself, all the while praying for guidance and thankful for a clean slate by morning. That's something  else no one brings up in parenting conversations. Our kids will completely forgive us for what happened today, fall into a gentle sleep where they look so peaceful and wonderful, and start tomorrow over as if today was the perfect day. As I make my rounds tonight from one room to the next, covering them and kissing them goodnight again, I will vow to make tomorrow better, knowing that better may only last until breakfast.

Best Summer Ever....Hopefully

As I was driving today, I saw a woman outside planting flowers with a toddling little boy waiving a stick in the air as proud as could be, I immediately felt jealous that this mom was able to spend all her time with her son although I didn't really know if that was the truth or not. This statement wouldn't  seem alarming until you read the next one. I have been a 'stay-at-home mom' for 23 months today. By stay-at-home I mean that I quit my job. Maybe I haven't been at this for long enough or maybe I am doing it wrong, but I still don't see myself as a SAH mommy yet. I get up early with the kids and have all the time in the world with them, yet I still find myself telling them "just a minute" or "we'll do that later." I'm not one to have to 'find' myself or anything like that. I am a Christian, a wife and a mother and I am very happy with that, but I think I need improvements in all three. So, tomorrow is the last day of school for my two older kids. Summer vacation officially begins in 18 hours for them and I really want to make it a great one. I need to get out of the mindset that I have to hurry through supper and bedtime every night so I can clean up the kitchen and do laundry. No, this summer we are going to spend time together. We can't throw schedules out the window, but I don't need to be a drill sargeant about anything. It's summer break and we live in the country. I think I am more excited than them!  
Note: As I finished typing this, my naked, sopping wet 6-year-old just when blazing down the hallway. My first instinct is to yell at him, but it is summer (almost) so I just shook my head and asked if he got his hair washed. Here we go!

Cheerios in My Pocket

Mondays used to be my easy day, but right now they are my craziest day. Yesterday didn't let me down. The first thing my daughter had to say to me was (insert whining 8 year old voice) "do Megan and Kyle have to come to basketball practice with me?" Yes, Sarah they do. We go down for breakfast and while they eat, I pack lunches. While I am doing that, I remember to check their balance on their lunch cards since money is disappearing from my son's account. What do I find? Not only is he buying milk everyday I pack his lunch (with a juice box), but that he is also buying two lunches on the one day a week he is allowed to buy lunch. He is a skinny 6 year old! When I confront him, he lies about it although we've already talked about not buying extras. No time for punishments, we're on a tight schedule. Let the dog out, trying to train her NOT to poop in the yard. Let the dog back in and feed her before feeding the cats. Brush your teeth and sit down so I can do your hair. Time to get on shoes and coats and book bags. As we're doing this, Kyle asks who will pick him up from school and Sarah blurts out "Mommy is coming to your pizza party today!" Silence. So much for the element of surprise. Sarah bursts into tears, and Megan is trying to console her, but again, we need to get out the door. As we are halfway to school, I run through the list of normal questions. What special do you have today? Do you have your lunch? oops. Sarah forgot her lunch and once again is in tears. Ugh. She spends the next five minutes begging me to bring it to her. Sorry, they would mark a fourth trip to town in one day and is not happening! Then she remembers that I didn't write her a note to walk to the other school tonight. Luckily, she has an empty post-it note and we cover that tragedy. I drop her off and then go to Kyle's school, where I promise to be back at 2:00 for the pizza party. Then I head home where I still need to give Megan breakfast and get a few Ebay items ready to ship, wash my husband's work clothes, and unload and reload the dishwasher. I realize as I am cleaning toilets that I should change my clothes and do my hair and makeup. I lay out my clothes for my Zumba class (my one hour a week for me!) and make a mental note of what to fix for dinner between getting home at 4:45 and leaving again when my husband walks in the door at 5:45. I fix Megan a quick lunch, trying to time leaving the house at just the right point so I can go to the post office, return a  movie to Redbox, make a deposit in the ATM, and take hubby's freshly charged cell phone to him. At this point, I am really starting to doubt my sanity for scheduling myself like this, but at that moment, Megan walks up behind me and puts something in my back pocket and giggles. "What are you doing silly girl?" I ask. "Putting Cheerios in your pocket, Mommy!" What a blessing.

To everything there is a season.

I am lucky enough to live in a part of the world where there are four very distinct seasons. Of course, they don't always follow the calendar's suggestion, but they are visible nonetheless. Many around here say they are tired of the snow in winter and long for vacations or retiring to Florida or California. But, not me. I welcome the change of weather each time I am presented with it. How else can we appreciate a day like today? 66 degrees and sunny with a light breeze. Doesn't sound like much, but when I tell you that it comes on the heels of 32 inches of snow in a ten day period, it makes a difference. It is almost spring according to the date, and it seems as if we can put away the snow boots and overflowing piles of mismatched hats and gloves that exist in every home that houses young children. But, it doesn't smell like spring yet. Something I'm sure a lot of people don't understand if they are not familiar with the changing seasons. The geese are back, the deer have retreated to the woods to give birth, the robins are serenading. But there is no fresh aroma in the air. Of course, the ground is still frozen under the inch or two of mud, there are no buds on the trees yet, and the piles of snow along sidewalks and roads are still present. Soon we will become accustomed to these days just as we learned to layer up during the cold snap last December. The tulips will shyly make their presence known. Suddenly one morning there will be buds and tiny leaves on the branches. The lilacs will bloom and we will then be looking forward to the first days of summer when it is warm enough to wear shorts and sandals. Before we know it the grass will be a little too high and our olfactory senses will send us reeling back to our childhood with the first cutting of the grass. Our days will be consumed with weeding the garden, packing the camper for a quick weekend away and hanging laundry out on the line. We will sleep with windows open and go swimming in the lake. Then all too soon, we will have to go to sleep while the sun is still shining because the new school year is beginning again. The heat of summer turns to a welcoming warmth during the day with cool evenings allowing us to sleep comfortably with a light throw on the bed. The leaves will turn brilliant hues of red and we will harvest our crops that we prayed would live through the dry spells of July. Children will giggle and run during recess, unaware of the clouds looming overhead that their parents refer to as 'snow clouds.' Then once again, the hard frosts come and kill our flowers and chill our hands in the morning. We will again pull out the piles of winter gear and vow to keep each mitten with it's mate this year. One morning we will awake to a fluffy white comforter covering the yard. Then the countdown to spring begins again and we will look forward to days like today when we can again sit on the front porch and listen to the squeak of the chain on the swing set and the crack of the ball on the bat.

Mayonaise Cake

I like to think that I am old fashioned. I like to sew and do cross stitch. Reading is one of my favorite things to do on a quiet afternoon. I attend the traditional worship service at the same church where my family has attended since before I was born. With that said, I would like to share a recipe that some of you may have found if you search 'moist chocolate cake.'

Mayonnaise Cake
1 Cup sugar
2 Cups flour
4 Tbspn cocoa powder
1 Cup of cold water
     with 2 tsp baking soda dissolved into it
1 Cup mayonnaise (I prefer Hellmann's brand)
1 tsp vanilla

I'm not sure of the proper way to mix, but I mix all the 'wet' ingredients and then add all the 'dry' ingredients, and mix well.
Poor into a 8x13 cake pan and bake at 325-350 degrees for 25 minutes. Cake is done when a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.

Sounds pretty normal so far, right? Here's the flashback part. My grandparents always ate it in a bowl with milk on it. My mom always jokes that it is against the law for her to put any kind of icing on a mayonnaise cake. It is wonderfully delicious! Even my husband, who rarely tries anything new eats it like this. The excitement in my kids' faces when the see a plain chocolate cake with no icing on it is intoxicating. We even eat it for breakfast. Truth be told, it probably has less sugar in it than most cereal. It's in a bowl of milk, that counts for starting your day out right, doesn't it?

Sew Jennifer Sew

I have completed my first official baby quilt. It is all packed up and ready to send to Guam. To my Air Force brother and his wife and their new baby-my only nephew! After 6 nieces and 2 daughters, it will be wonderful for my son to have another boy in the immediate family, although my cousins have lots of little boys his age.

I used a free "broken dishes" pattern that I found online. I quilted by stitching in the ditch diagonally. The reverse is an Americana print with John Deere tractors on it-quite appropriate for my country bumpkin brother living on the other side of the world!

I'm sure the blanket won't get used very often since it is perpetually 85 degrees there, but I hope they appreciate the time and thought I put into this quilt. Welcome to the world RaiTano!

Mr. and Mrs.

I just came back from a viewing for a woman who was very loved. She had no children, but we all felt like her kids. Her husband was our high school band director. Today, as her husband stood by her casket, looking affectionately at her lifeless form, and absently reaching out to touch her shoulder, I was overcome with emotion. He simply loved her and was not embarrassed to show how distraught he was. That's the way it should be. Unlike other teachers, Mr J never reported my husband and I to the principal for holding hands or sneaking a kiss when we were in school. He just let us be in love, never questioning or scolding. As I was expressing my sympathies to Mr. J's sister, I told her we had been students of Mr J. She said "And you are still together? Must be music is the way to go." It hit me at that moment the similarities. Mr. and Mrs. J had been together a long time and both had enormous musical talent. So I answered, "Well, it worked for them." The man that we all looked up to and cannot bring ourselves to call by first name, hugged me and cried on my shoulder because his beloved wife is gone. We should all be loved so much. My heart aches for him and all I can do is pray for him. He will keep himself busy with many things, but he will go home to a dark house every night. A house that he lovingly built for her. They loved each other with everything they had, and they are an inspiration to us. They were married for 41 years and it wasn't long enough. I hope you all find love like that.

I am woman, see my truck

I gave up my career to be a stay-at-home mom. My kids play soccer in the fall. I drive my kids to and from school everyday because of my daughter's extreme car sickness. After reading these statements do you picture a mom wearing sneakers with the 'mom' haircut driving a minivan with balloons hanging out the window? Apparently that is what the makers of my Goodyear floor mats think. You see, I have a problem with the floor mats that my husband and I both have in our trucks. I'm not talking the cheap pieces of paper that are on the floor when you buy the truck. We purchased the mats from an auto parts store to a not so cheap tune of $50 a pair. Having two trucks, we bought two and they are only front mats.(Apparently kids in the back seat have clean shoes?) Now,as any parent knows, $100 is a lot. I could have done a lot with this amount of money: Diapers, groceries, the electric bill, the doctor bills, new shoes for my kids...you get the idea. But, instead, I made what I thought was an investment to preserve the carpet in our trucks.
      So we go along our merry way with our floor mats. Driving the kids to school, going camping, to car shows, family events, church, and grocery shopping. Everything was fine until I was cleaning out my truck which, I admit, is not as often as it should be. I took my floor mats out to vacuum all the Cheerios and leaves and miscellaneous crumbs. When I did this, I saw a dark brown spot on the carpet right where my heel would be in front of the gas pedal while driving. Hmmmmm.  Checking out the mat, I saw there was a small rip around one of the squares designed to catch mud, snow, and other unmentionables. Hey-this stuff happens, so being industrious, I just switched the passenger side and driver side mat. Off we go again. Here, there, and everywhere since my truck is the family vehicle. The next time I clean out my truck, I am disappointed to see the same ugly spot on the carpet. What is going on? I check to make sure that I really did switch the mats and it wasn't my imagination. Nope, I did it right. OK, well, no worries. My husband has the same mats in his truck, so I took mine out to his passenger side, and stole that one from him, since I am the only one who rides there. Have you noticed a pattern? I'm sure you can predict what happened last time when I pulled mats out of my truck to vacuum. Yep, that's right. Another hole. Apparently these mats were made for men with steel-toed loggers covered in mud, rocks, and ice, but they are no match for my size 9 heels I wear on the way to church.
      Enter my email to Goodyear. I looked up Goodyear using a Google search, and emailed the marketing department explaining my extreme disappointment with the quality of their product. A few days later, I receive a very short email which tells me the name of the company to contact. So, another email goes out to Kraco Enterprises. I receive a sympathetic sounding email explaining that this company is the largest supplier of automotive floor mats in the US, and if I would kindly provide my phone number and a good time to call, he would arrange a method of restoring my confidence in their company. Excited and surprised to receive such a positive email, I emailed him back with my home and cell number and a time to call. This was a month ago.
      So, here I am with my ripped floor mats, dirty truck carpet, and really no options but to spend more money on floormats made especially for my truck from another comany. I just hope this company catches on to the idea that woman drive trucks,instead of just lean on them while wearing bikinis and stilletos like they do on magazine covers. Apparently that's all they think women are good for when it comes to cars and trucks. Seems pretty sexist to me. In the end, I still have my ripped floormats, I still drive my truck, and I still wear heels, and I'm not giving them any more of my money.   

As a note of interest: Kraco Enterprises did finally provide me with two new sets of floormats. Although they were lower grade than we had purchased, at least there was an effort made after an additional email. Thank you to Steve Lazzara for being the person who followed through.