Ask and ye shall receive.......

I am not a patient person. Let's just get that out of the way up front. Patience is not a virtue in which the good Lord endowed this woman with. And, because of that, I feel I am often tested in this area. In the Bible study my Sunday school class is doing right now, we are challenged to wait on God. Not, the event, not the date, not the decision. Wait. On. God. Wait on God's timing. All in God's time. Light bulb moment. When I was little someone very close to me overheard me saying "I can't wait for..." and they told me "Don't wish your life away." That single phrase has come back to me many times as the years have accumulated. That's what we are doing when we say "I wish...I can't wait until....When that happens, I'll...Once this is over...." We are not waiting on God. Even if we are praying about it, we forget to wait and listen. I very often catch myself in my prayers, saying, "God, if You will...then I will...." Nope, this isn't what He had in mind. Turn it all over to God. I'm pretty sure the majority of the Christian population believes they do this. To actually do this, I believe  'the event' has to be imminent. When I was preparing to deliver my third child by (the first) C-section, it was a high risk pregnancy for several reasons. So even if I hadn't had placenta previa, even if she wasn't transverse, even if I hadn't had a history of pulmonary embolisms, even if I wasn't on anti-coagulants, I would have been high risk. My husband came home more than once to find me sobbing with fear for him and our two other children and this unborn baby. My grandfather was sure I wouldn't survive the operation. My entire church congregation was praying for us and waiting to hear any news at all. And, for some reason on that day. I was calm. I continued to pray. My family joined me before I waddled down the hallway. Even through the fear of being paralyzed from the epidural, I lay calmly on the table with tears coursing down my cheeks. I had turned it all over to God. I was waiting for God's decision. That time was very traumatic for myself and my entire family, but I remember this intense calm that I felt for that day.  Knowing that God is in control has never really been a problem for me, but letting him have control without making him wrestle it away from me has always been an issue. It was a wonderful feeling to have put everything in His hands that day and wait. I have been searching for that calm again lately. My husband and I have decided to be foster parents. It was a lengthy process of paper work and home visits.We finally received notice that we were approved and within hours we had a sibling group in our home. It lasted three short days. It was my decision to have them moved to another home and I wonder if I was too hasty. I was working on my time. How would I take care of three extra children all with special needs? How would my kids adjust to this sudden insult of heir mommy being otherwise occupied? How would my marriage survive the stress? Why isn't this going how I planned it? Bingo. Bin-go. I had planned it all out. I did pray about it, but I forgot to wait. I forgot to listen to God. Did I foil his plan? I don't know. The kids were kept together and are in a good, loving Christian home. For that I am thankful. Now I am waiting again. Waiting for another phone call from the county when I should be waiting on God. This time I can't seem to get it right. I can't find that calm for very long, and by this point I am almost afraid to pray for patience, because there is only one way to learn patience, and that is to have to practice it. And, let me say again, I am not a patient person.