Contradictions

It is most definitely wrong of me to write a blog post about how technology is horrible. I get it. I am contradicting myself. However, it is the truth. Please don't misinterpret what I am saying here. I love things like texting so I can communicate with my family without actually having to call that someone who never stops talking when you just need a quick yes or no answer. I am not sure what I would do without Skype and Facebook Messenger while my brother is overseas. I am quite certain I would have very little idea what my nephew looked like without these communication tools. Being able to email the school about happenings on the bus, upcoming field trips and lost homework definitely saves time in my day and the teacher's day. Being able to pop an episode of Friends in the dvd player while I am sewing on my electric sewing machine that has 600 different stitching patterns is a way I can calm myself after I get everyone where they need to be for the day. Downloading a Bible app on my phone is one of the smartest choices I ever made. And, to prove that I do consistantly use these options, I will admit that right now I have a tab open with Facebook because i am 'hosting' a Jamberry Nails party Completely online. (If you have never heard of these nail wraps, check out my friend's site brookerawson.jamberrynail.net).
     Now, on to the reasons I am beginning to revolt against technology. Number one, first and foremost is because I think Facebook is making me depressed. Allow me to explain semi-briefly. Close to three months ago a lost two little girls. I did not give birth to these beautiful babies, but I raised them with my family for 21 months. Some of the hardest months of my life, and also some of the happiest. Our family lost them in a custody battle that we thought was over and had less than 24 hours to pack their belongings, prepare them and our children for the change, and call our very large extended family in to say their goodbyes. The days that followed were understandably the darkest of my life. I stayed away from Facebook for quite a while and spent time in conversation with God instead. When I went back to Facebook, I went full force. Posting pictures, updating my status, checking in. But, on the few occasions when I did post something about being sad, I would have a few 'likes' a couple comments, usually from the same three or four people, and very little support. Looking at pictures of other happy families pulled at my heart. I wasn't happy, so did I really belong on Facebook? Our youth pastor did commend me for being honest on some of my posts and thought it was great that I was open about having a difficult time. This came after a middle of the night post requesting prayer. When I posted my last status pertaining to the girls, and then came to the realization (with a little bullying, er huh, help from my aunts) that I am depressed. On Facebook there is no encouraging hug or a sympathetic look. There is just like or comment. The social network is a poor substitute for socialization. So I stayed off of Facebook, with the exception of Facebook Messenger, for about 10 days. Maybe two weeks. When I finally went back on, the first status I saw was of a friend who was announcing she is pregnant with twins. You guessed it, I'm back off Facebook. Not that I'm not happy for her, but I am still feeling sorry for myself. A quick scroll through today played a video of a friends little girls dancing. If I hadn't known, I would have sworn it was the younger little girl I lost. So that quick scroll through set me way far back in my mood. But, that is for another post. Since I am way off track here, let's get righted around.
     Another reason for my stand against technology, specifically communication through technology comes from the fact  I have an 18 year old in my home who literally does not know how to talk to her friends. She is s a foster child and comes with her own set of drama and history, but she cannot function without a phone in her hands. I picked her up from the SATs yesterday and before I left the parking lot she was texting. Who does she need to text? I am guilty because she has a phone. She bought it and she pays for it and she is learning an important lesson on spending her money wisely and planning ahead when she has to pay that bill every month. She is a teenager that holds true to everything we hear about 'kids these days.' Let's explore a list of these that come to mind. Just a few that come to mind that I know adhere to this teenager living with us are: They don't know how to communicate. They have no concept of the value of a dollar. They think everything is disposable. They think they are entitled. The feel like no one understands. They believe there are no good men/women out there so they have to settle. They have no manners and think that begging and threatening is a good way to get what they want. They have no problem letting someone else raise their kids if it gets in the way of them having their own life. 
      I do love my internet. Amazon Prime is wonderful because I can fill my shopping bag at night after the kids go to bed and when I place and order, it is delivered to my door step withing two days. Being able to look up crafting ideas on Pinterest is magnificent. Checking the weather at 6:00 so I know how to dress the kids is an invaluable tool. But, I remember the days of writing a list with pencil and paper and spending the day shopping with my mom. Pinterest seems to have outdated recipe cards, but my grandmother started a tradition that I continue to keep by writing down (in cursive if you can believe it) her most common cookie recipes and giving them to me at my wedding shower. I have continued that for my cousins who have married after me. The days of taking an umbrella just because the clouds looked 'iffy' are over, but so are the unexpected beautiful fall days that catch us so by surprise we can't help but stop to take in the wonders of God's creation. If our whole life is predicted, forecast, dvr'd, and liked according to our status, who are we living for? Society wants to please their followers, but I choose to be a follower. A follower of God. God's status is His Word, the comments are our prayers, and his likes are our Christian love for one another. I am choosing to purposely have my feet swept out from under me and my heart shattered over and over again because I believe I am doing God's will by fostering, and every single time I feel as if it is too hard, God is there. With an invitation to go to him and pour out my worries and my fears and He in turn will fill me with His love again. And, as He knows and created me, I am human, and the cycle will repeat itself because I cannot do this alone. And no matter how surrounded I am by electronics, the only One who can help me is Jesus Christ. He doesn't get tired of my status or look the other way. His answers may not come in clearly defined text messages, but His message is clear. Follow Him.

~  John 3:16 KJV   For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but would have everlasting life. ~