I'm hearing things

Making a decision does not mean that we know it is the right way or wrong way. We have made a difficult decision to not adopt these foster children that we have had in our home for over a year now. This was a gut wrenching process which we do not take lightly at all. I may have to look into these angelic faces that I have showered with kisses and washed the chocolate ice cream off of and tell them they have to go somewhere else. The thought of that moment is almost enough to convince me to change my mind. We have our reasons and they are substantial, but I often lay awake wondering if this is the right choice. More importantly, is this God's will? I begin to get frustrated because I do not hear a definite answer, then I wonder if I ever will. What does God sound like? Will it be in a Bible verse I come across? Something written in the clouds, perhaps? A previous adoption case with similar circumstances? Will it come to me in a dream? Frustration abounds and then I turn to the same thought.

 How does anyone know if they are listening to the whispers 

of God or the screaming of their own desires? 

When someone asks me how we decided to open our home to foster children, I tell them it is God's plan, not mine. Now, I could take you back and tell you the way it happened, and there are specific events that all measure up to point to the end result. But I truly believe this is what God wants us to do. I can't explain it. I didn't hear Him whisper, I didn't pour over my Bible looking for a verse to convince me that this was for us. This situation was never on my radar. I don't like people coming in my house. I don't care for other people's children for too long of a time, and I am past the nights of bottle feeding and diapering. Some days I want to agree with the stranger in the grocery store who shakes her head and mutters under her breath when she sees us coming. Yet, I believe in my soul God has led us hear to the bumpy road outside of my comfort zone. 

I continue to pray for guidance and direction, knowing that I may not like the answer I get or the vehicle in which it comes, but knowing He will give me the strength to face whatever comes. Even if I try to make my own decisions (which I do quite often) He will provide. I haven't heard an actual answer from a voice, but I do feel a peace about what we are doing. Please note, I did NOT say what we are doing is peaceful. There is precious little of that in this house. I also realize this may not be what we are supposed to do forever, but for right now, in this moment we will do what we consider "God's work."

"Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.” – Matthew 18:5